MORNING OF MY DUE DATE:
It feels so surreal sitting here typing out Logan’s birth story as a keepsake for myself and Matt, but also to share with you all! It feels like just yesterday that I shared our pregnancy announcement and IUI journey, and to think that today I am here with our son brings on all the emotions (cue the waterworks). The past three weeks have been the most incredible days of Matt and my life. We have learned so much about each other, raising this amazing gift we have been given, and the true meaning behind unconditional love, both for Logan and each other. I could write about this forever, but I want to rewind a bit to April 13th, 2019 when everything started to change in the best possible way.
It was my due date — I was exactly 40 weeks pregnant and determined for little Logan to make his or her debut (fun fact: we were naming our babe Logan wether it was a boy or girl)! I was scheduled to be induced the following Tuesday and was really hoping to go naturally. As week 40 approached, I started testing out a few tricks to get things moving, such as making Scalini’s famous eggplant parm — allegedly countless women went into labor within 48 hours of eating this dish…including myself! I also started walking a TON and adding squats upon squats (and many many dance moves) into my morning routine (you can see the live footage here).
This particular Saturday was gorgeous out so Matt and I ventured out in the neighborhood. While enjoying lunch outside, I went to the bathroom a few times and felt like something was a little different, so I stuck a handful of paper towels in my underwear (TMI?!) just in case! SO THANKFUL I did that because as we were walking home I felt a sudden gush and turned to Matt and said “it feels like I am wearing a wet diaper, I think my water just broke.” At the same time, mild contractions had started about every 5 minutes. The last thing I wanted to do was hop in a cab (for fear of fluids going everywhere), so we walked back home as “quickly” as we could. When in our lobby, I felt another gush and I never wanted to be inside my apartment so bad (mind you, I was of course wearing a dress…ha). Once back upstairs we confirmed my water broke, and everything moved so quickly from there: I called my OB who said to come to the hospital, called both of our parents who instantly hopped in their car, snapped a quick selfie as our last photo of a family of 3 (Hadley, duh!), and made our way to the hospital with all our stuff.
When we arrived to the hospital I was slightly uncomfortable, but not in much pain and still could joke around, try and relax (although my nerves were ALL over the place) and even update some of our friends. After hanging in the exam room for a bit we were moved into the Labor and Delivery room where they checked and I was still only 1cm dilated, which is where I had been for the prior two weeks. That was definitely frustrating for me because I assumed I would be in labor FOREVER, but the doctor reassured me that was not necessarily the case and they started me on Pitocin, which helped me dilate (and also intensified my contractions).
As an aside, I went in without a formal birth plan and this was a personal choice. I wanted to go in with an open mind and know whatever needed to happen for a safe delivery of our babe was okay by me and I would roll with the punches. I did, however, know that I was about 99.9% sure I would want and need an Epidural…I do not do well with pain. Holy cow, all you mamas out there who have done this naturally, I literally think you are incredible! I was beyond uncomfortable with the contractions after the Pitocin kicked in and I knew I had hours ahead of me since needing to dilate so much more, so realized I needed the Epidural. And quickly ha.
Needless to say, once I got the Epidural (which did not hurt in the slightest) it was as if I was having a little party in the delivery room, that thing was AMAZING! I was able to enjoy the time with our families when they arrived, actually get some sleep since I knew I had pushing ahead of me the next day, listened to music, and watched some Netflix on Matt’s phone. What surprised me the most was that I could still have some feeling in my legs (I thought I wouldn’t feel anything, which did scare me a bit) and the contractions just felt like slight pressure…not bad at all and actually preferred this (versus feeling nothing) for when I had to push.
Fast forward about 8 hours, and on the morning of 4/14/2019 I remember turning to Matt in a good bit of pain, tears flowing, repeating that I don’t think the Epidural is working anymore. After talking with a nurse quickly, she told me I should be pushing the Epidural button up to three times, to increase the intake (I had only been doing it once when I started to feel the contractions more) and thank gosh she told me this when she did because minutes later my doctor came in to check my progression and instantly said “we’re ready to have a baby,” which is also why I was becoming so uncomfortable at the tail end. The Epidural kicked back in right in time and I was not in that much pain during the actually active labor.
After one hour of pushing, I will never in my life forget the moment Logan was lifted into the air and I heard “IT’S A BOY!” as he was placed on my chest. It was the most surreal feeling of my entire life. It took me a little bit to wrap my head around everything and how incredible it was to instantly become a mom. Pure and unconditional love like I have never felt before. Matt was a rockstar through the entire process. I also chose to have my mom with me during delivery. It was a moment I will never forget.
To be completely honest, recovery was and still is the hardest part of my entire pregnancy and delivery experience. I had a feeling it would be bad, but I was not expecting the level of pain and feeling so helpless with hardly being able to get up and down because of the discomfort. So tough to have a newborn that you just want to love on, but also have certain limitations on what you can and cannot do! For those that are curious, I had a second degree tear. Not the worst from what I hear, but I was definitely VERY swollen and uncomfortable. I am the type of person who likes to be on the go, do things for myself, etc. and I really struggled with this the first few weeks. Getting up and going to the bathroom (and everything you have to apply after the bathroom…) was like running a marathon and a 20-30 minute ordeal. Matt was and still is a SAINT and instantly became hands on dad doing the diaper changes and tending to Logan’s needs since I couldn’t move fast at all.
I mentioned this in my updated hospital bag post, but ice pack diapers the nurses made and using Logan’s boppy to sit on were game changers. I am still taking things slow but trying to get out (note that if Matt and I head somewhere a bit too far for me, like Central Park, Matt will walk with Logan and I will hop in a cab and meet them there). Almost three weeks exactly since giving birth, I made the bold move of getting into jeans and out of my joggers, I was terrified to have anything too tight down there. But I finally feel about 85% back to normal.
Even with the tough recovery process, I of course take one look at little Logan and there is not a question that I would do it all over in a heartbeat! If you have any questions about this post and my experience, as always feel free to reach out! Love connecting on a personal level with all of you.