SURPRISE!! I’m pregnant! I honestly can’t even believe I get to type this out, it feels so surreal. Being able to say these very words, is something I have dreamt about for years, but never knew when or how I’d be able to share our story. I have been bursting at the seams (figuratively and quite literally – thank goodness for oversized sweater season) to share this little secret we’ve been keeping with you all, and let you in on our pregnancy journey. There are days where I catch myself just daydreaming about what he or she might look like, what characteristics they will have that are Matt and that are me, and if it is a boy or girl (we are waiting until delivery). April cannot come soon enough!!
Currently I am 19 weeks pregnant, due April 2019, and it has been the most incredible past few months since finding out in early August. But, I’m not going to lie, no one really talks about the fears of pregnancy and it has been something I have been struggling with in my own head, and one of the reasons we waited a little longer to share. Of course, there are certain things that have to be done, such as an opiate detox while pregnant, but the what ifs, is everything okay, I was feeling this and now that stopped, and the list goes on of things to be scared about. Needless to say, every appointment where we hear a heartbeat and get to see our little babe makes my heart skip a beat and I feel reassured once again. It is so crazy to think that I am 100% responsible for growing this tiny little human inside me, but I try and focus on it being the most amazing gift we have ever been given.
If we rewind a little bit, about two years ago Matt and I seriously started talking about starting a family. My entire life all I wanted was to be a mom (seriously, that would be my answer when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up). I went to school to work with children, and found the most incredible and fulfilling career as a Child Life Specialist. I just always knew that working with children and being a mom was my calling in life. And seeing the way Matt is with Hadley and our nieces and nephew makes my heart melt and I honestly can’t wait to see him as a dad. After years of amazing travels, lots of fun adventures with our friends and family, and lots of time devoted to both of our careers, we knew we were ready to settle down and become parents.
When Matt and I seriously started thinking about having kids and trying for a family I was naive and never thought we’d have any issues getting pregnant. We were after all healthy and “young.” I read about others infertility stories all the time and my heart broke reading each one, but never thought we’d go through some of our own. Everyone’s story is different and as hard as it was at times, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. We started trying, and sooner or later, weeks turned into months, months turned into a year, and still nothing. Matt had tests done, I had tests done, and everything came back perfectly normal. It was the “unexplained infertility” that was our only “answer.” Each month was an emotional one filled with high highs of anticipation and lows when my cycle would start. It was posts like this one that would help give me courage on some of the toughest days and reassure me I was not alone. I would talk to my OBGYN about what might be going on, saw an acupuncturist, and tried every ovulation tracking tool there was. Finally, after talking with my OBGYN and a family friend who struggled with infertility herself, Matt and I made the decision to go ahead and move forward with seeing a fertility specialist. This was a hard decision and something I was terrified to do, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact we needed to go this route. At our first appointment, I sat in the waiting room in tears. Looking back, those feelings I had were so normal, everything was just so new to us. Once I was able to accept this as our next step to something positive, I honestly left that appointment filled with more hope than I had ever had.
If you are in or near the NYC area, I honestly cannot recommend our doctor enough, Dr. Alexis Melnick (she was recommended by my OB). I have never met a practice that genuinely cared so much, listened, and took an approach we were most comfortable with. After meeting with her a few times and a having a few different tests done, we decided to move forward with the least invasive option of an IUI. I will save all those details for another post, but two weeks after our first IUI procedure, I received the phone call saying we were pregnant. I literally dropped the phone and was speechless, followed by a floodgate of tears. It were the two words I had been waiting to hear for over a year. I raced out of our apartment half dressed and flew to Matt’s work. I had to tell him in person, there was no other way to share the incredible news! I think we were in shock for the next few hours as we FaceTimed our close family and told them the news! While it was a bit less traditional than your typical announcement story to family, our journey to become parents (and everyone’s journey) is special in their own way. Both our parents knew we were getting our blood work results back this day so it was so much fun being able to call them with this excitement! Later that day I couldn’t wait to pee on a pregnancy test stick and finally, finally after 12 months of countless “not pregnant” tests, was able to see first hand “pregnant.” It was the absolute best day of our lives.
I feel like I could go on and on, but if you made it this far you are amazing and I thank you! As for what is next on the blog, I plan to keep things very similar to how they are now, with a few bump date posts here and there and whatever else you all are interested in! Like I said above, I will share our full IUI story in hopes of helping and inspiring others…what we did to prepare, the actual IUI and what we did after. And if any of you are struggling with infertility of your own, know you are not alone. If you ever have questions please feel free to reach out to me, as talking to others is what helped me immensely. Thank you all for being the best, most supportive followers and readers ever! We can’t wait to share this next chapter with you all…Kremer, party of 3 (plus Hadley of course)!!
Photography: Our AMAZING wedding photographer Rachel Pearlman
Flowers: Bloom Bar